It’s the “ultimate ‘am I normal’ study,” says Liz Zack of the online women’s community iVillage, which commissioned the study. “We don’t know whether the stuff that happens between the sheets at my house is the same stuff happening in the bedrooms of America.”
For survey respondents, communication translates to action in the bedroom: 44% say they get in the mood for sex when their spouse “says nice things.” That was second only to “feelings of love,” 67%.
“What most surveys find women really want is emotional connection and intimacy as a precondition for being in the mood to have sex,” says John Gottman, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle and author of The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples. “What’s been described as low libido in women is the fact their men stopped courting them. They are no longer trying to be intimate.” Gottman was not involved in the survey.
Eileen Nekava, 29, of Tampa Bay, Fla., says she loves hearing nice things from her husband of six years, Steven Nekava, 38. “It’s nice to know he appreciates me and still thinks about me in that type of way.”
One way they keep that flame going is by making “date nights” a dedicated part of their lives ever since their 4-year-old’s birth. They’ve been married six years, and she’s due with their second child in May.
Nekava, who works in IT sales, and her husband, an engineer, try to avoid talking about work or their daughter on date night. “It’s a way for us to get alone time and us just focus on each other.”
Stephanie Dulli of Washington, D.C., says “hearing nice things absolutely is romantic and a turn-on.” But she’s with the 25% who say “seeing your spouse as a great parent” or the almost 20% who say it’s when your spouse cleans the house or makes dinner that gets them in the mood for sex. “There is nothing sexier in the world than when my husband is giving the baby a bath without me asking. … If he takes it upon himself to do the dishes or the laundry, that’s such an act of service, and that’s another way he shows he cares for me. I find it dreamy.” Dulli has two sons, ages 3 and 8 months.
Okay guys, it is quiet obvious from this, and many other surveys, that women desire intimacy BEFORE sex. They also know when their man is doing chores and other nice things around the house JUST to get sex. As I have said several times on this blog – your wife knows you want sex – what she really wants to know is if you want her.
Feel free to share your comments about how you regularly express your love and appreciation for your wife…..
Start in the kitchen,