In case you haven’t figured it out by now – your wife is a very complex creature. God actually created her that way. I believe partly to keep us guessing and pursuing – and partly to keep us close to Him so we don’t ever feel like we can do marriage without His wisdom, patience, grace and love. If we could finally figure her out, then we wouldn’t be as desperate for His presence in our marriage.
As mind-boggling as a wife can be, I want to make sure you know there is something that ALL women have that is not very hard to discover. Dreams. Just like you, she longs for things, hopes for things and dreams about the future. In this way you are very much alike.
Guys usually dream of making the big sale, or what we will purchase when “our ship comes in”. We think about that promotion, finally making partner, shooting par on the golf course, or bagging the giant deer. Our hopes and dreams are as diverse and numerous as we are. Most of the time they revolve around achievement and success it seems. Dreams motivate us; they keep us going when we’re disheartened and discouraged. Dreams are good.
Have you ever wondered what your wife is dreaming about? Have you thought to ask her? If we’re honest, most of us would admit that we don’t ask because we don’t really want to find out – for fear we have either failed in some way, or that we might have to make changes in our own dreams and goals.
I guarantee you that before you were married, your wife had dozens of dreams about being married, having a family and what life would be like. Even with the pressures of life weighing on her mind and the endless burden of responsibilities she carries – she still has dreams. She deeply longs for things and keeps many of hidden deep in her soul.
A courageous, wise and noble husband will take the time to explore these depths. A brave man will seize the opportunity to ask his wife questions like these:
How is marriage different that you imagined it would be when we were engaged?
What do you really long to accomplish in the next several years?
Where do you see our relationship in five years?
What can I do to be the husband you always dreamed of?
What can I do to help you achieve the goals/dreams God has placed in your heart?
There are dozens of great questions, and I would love to hear yours. The point is – have you ever taken the time to ask? Have you loved your wife enough to talk with her about her dreams and aspirations? Now is the time. Show her how much you love her and that you are committed to helping her achieve everything she longs for in this life. Take the time. Make the time.
You have to know what those things are before you can help her get there. Don’t be passive. This is a major step toward achieving great oneness and fulfillment in your relationship.