This is Not Good.

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” Henry David Thoreau

What do you think about when you’re all alone? Do your thoughts drift to “the good ole’ days”, or to sinful desires, or possibly the future you hope will come? We all have them….thoughts that is. Most of the time we are so busy being busy that we can’t hear them, but they’re there. We carry with us the regrets and sorrows from our past and the dreams we don’t share with anyone. Maybe Thoreau was right. Maybe we are basically lonely souls who go to our graves with our “song still inside us”.

In general, men have a tough time talking about personal things. We seldom admit we are sad, lonely, disappointed, or often feel like a failure, or need help of any kind. We tend to just stuff certain things way down in the well of our soul, maybe to deal with them another day. Most will admit we have an especially hard time sharing any perceived “weakness” with our wife, because we are supposed to be the strong, rock-solid, always together leader of the family. We even find it hard to talk with God about stuff.

When is the last time you talked with another man, or to God about your struggle with temptation or pornography, or your feelings of hopelessness or failure? Can you remember the last time you shared with your wife, or asked her to pray for you, about your frustrations at work or your dreams of success?

God said very clearly in Genesis – “it is not good for man to be alone”. If He said it – it is true! It is not good for you and me to live our lives in quiet desperation and self-imposed exile. He created each of us with voids in our soul that only He can fill. As husbands, He created some of those voids to be filled by your wife – your “helper” and “completer”. She was specifically designed with the desire and ability to help you. If we don’t take advantage of God’s purposeful design, we are the ones who miss out, and continue to embrace our emptiness.

God promises to “never leave you or forsake you”. You never have to pray for God to “be with you” – He already is. He is as close as your breath. All you have to do is reach out to Him – He is there. He never moves. He never goes on break, or takes a vacation. He created you to walk with Him every minute of every day, and to enjoy His involvement in every aspect of your life.

He created your wife to be your helper, your partner and closest friend. As my wife and I now enjoy the days of empty-nesting, we find that we are closer friends than ever in our marriage. Even though we are both still very busy, we talk more and simply enjoy just being together. Neither can imagine life without the other. Life is sweet, and for some reason marriage seems much easier. Maybe if I had spent this much time with God, and with her, when we were younger, our marriage would have easier then too.

It is not good for us to walk alone. God is there, your wife is there, and other men are there to walk with you through the troubles and trials life (and marriage) throw your way. Don’t try to go it alone.

Let the song out,

Huz

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About Rob

Married to my high school sweetheart for 40 years. Blessed to be a frequent speaker at marriage and men's conferences, retreats and seminars. Author of 4 books on marriage. Check out resources at allinmariage.org.

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