Don’t be the Turkey

Holidays are a great time to gain major yardage in your marriage oneness, or to get sacked for a major loss.

Days off work. Lots of goodies sittin’ around. Great meals and yummy leftovers. Ahhhhhh. Time to kick back, relax, wear comfy clothes, skip shaving – this is the life!

Honey, would you bring us some more chips, and Oh, I need some more Dr. Pepper.

She might actually bring you everything you need for fun and relaxation while you’re watching football – all day – or she may yell back – “get it yourself”! Either way, she feels like you get to have all the fun while she is stuck in the kitchen cleaning up the mega-mess from Thanksgiving. Then it repeats itself on Friday, Saturday and for some of you – even Sunday. This is prime chillin’ out time.

My wife loves to serve. She loves to make her family and friends happy by cooking delicious food, snacks and desserts – and especially over the Holidays. She would never complain if we sat enthralled in the games and asked for refills. But, the truth be told, what she would rather do is BE WITH her family in the den. But she is trapped in the kitchen cleaning up everyone’s mess. She doesn’t feel valued, and honestly feels like we love her for what she DOES for us instead of WHO she is as a woman and friend.

SO – here’s a new play for this year’s big weekend.

After each meal, you and the kids clear the table, take the dishes to the sink, clean them off and put the in the dishwasher. Put stuff back in the fridge. Help her do whatever it takes to get her out of the kitchen as quickly as possible.

When she wakens from her fainting spell, lovingly answer her question (what are you doing, or why are you doing this) by saying these words (key to remember) – “I want you to be with us in the den and not stuck here in the kitchen”.

Got it?

What if she says “get out of here, I can do it myself”, or “thanks anyway” ? Insist on helping do something anyway – and say the words – I just want to do what I can to get you out of the kitchen so you can be with us (or “me”) in the other room.

Don’t be a turkey. This is a wonderful opportunity to SHOW love to your wife, to serve her and to let her know how valuable she is to you. No matter if your favorite team wins or not – you will.

Bring on the feast,

huz

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About Rob

Married to my high school sweetheart for 40 years. Blessed to be a frequent speaker at marriage and men's conferences, retreats and seminars. Author of 4 books on marriage. Check out resources at allinmariage.org.

One response to “Don’t be the Turkey

  1. David

    I agree with the author that everyon eneeds to pitch in to help clean up after each meal. Anyone who has gone to the trouble of cooking a holiday meal needs a break from the clean-up phase. The stress of trying to have everything perfect (comes from the this is how my mother did it syndrome) and ready all at once is enough to put the holiday mood in the dumpster quicker than you think. Praise your wife and show her how much you care by insisting on a family clean-up without the wife being involved. Let her sit on the couch and be pampered while the family cleans and puts away the dishes. I like paper products this time of year because it is faster to clean-up. Keep the information and dialogue coming this time of year. You need to do a column on decorating the home on the inside for the holidays, not just the lights on the outside. We all know who puts up the lights but who does the inside work putting up and taking down the decorations. All the guys reading this need to respond so we get some other points of view. The author sounds like he has a “keeper” of a wife!

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