Women’s emotional needs primarily fall into these areas:
1. To Love & Be Loved & Feel Loved/Affection in Relationship – desired, noticed, regarded
2. Significance/Affirmation –praise, appreciation, – “I am doing a good job”, “What I do matters”
3. Assurance – wanted, desired, #1, noticed, preferred over all others
4. Security – protected, cared for, trusting in commitment made – emotional & physical
5. Nurture/Support – to care for, love and encourage others, especially family
6. Tranquility – peace, past-present-future – “Everyone is okay”. Domestic harmony
7. Connection – emotional more than physical – conversation, sharing thoughts, ideas, plans
Now – add this information to the mix – The late Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey, famous for interviewing thousands about their sex lives, declared that 75% of men ejaculate within two minutes. A recent study by the American Urological Association revealed that 1 out of 3 men suffer from premature ejaculation. Researchers at the University of Chicago recently declared that 75% of men reach orgasm during intercourse while only 33% of women. READ THIS – Studies by Kinsey and Masters & Johnson have concluded that, among women whose partner spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay, only 7.7% failed to reach a climax consistently.
Since most women are not satisfied by sex, and men almost always are – it is little wonder that sex is just not a big a deal to them as it is to us (generally speaking). Women enjoy the foreplay and the romance leading up to “the act” itself, and if we are smart, we will begin to spend much more time in this playground before proceeding to the climax – pun intended. There is nothing more erotic than helping your wife reach her full joy in sex. That will more fully arouse us and make the entire experience more fulfilling and exciting for both parties.
I believe this is what the Bible means when it says, “He who loves his wife, loves himself”. If we will put her needs and her satisfaction first, we will in turn have our needs met. The more she enjoys sex, the more you are likely to engage in it.
The Word also requires:
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
Peter is speaking of being considerate. Other translations use the word “understanding.” This calls for wisdom, sensitivity, and meeting your wife’s needs. It involves a sincere effort to understand her desires, feelings, fears, concerns, anxieties, goals, and dreams.
Mainly, it boils down to knowing her. We need to become students of our wives. We need to read about marriage, women and how to better understand them. We need to deliberately and actively listen to her and ask God to help us better relate to our wives’ hearts.
How can we express a sacrificial love that is considerate of her needs when we have no earthly idea what her needs are?